Dave'ing The Oscars

To fuel my self importance, here's a recap of my shit talking during this years' Oscars on Facebook. Obviously I didn't do the whole 4 1/2 hours, for my own good.

- Dave Losso is amazed how a movie that's 99.9% CGI can win Best Cinematography. And yet Roger Deakins sits there without a fucking nomination. Fuck you Academy. Fuck you.

- Grape Soda pin FTW! You go Giacchino!

- Dave Losso says eat shit Avatar. Cartoon cat creatures do not beat actual real looking aliens and/or space ships. All you did was made Hollywood an even bigger drooling mass that wants to make everything in 3D now. Rubbish.

- Dave Losso says Ted is trying to liveblog the Oscars. He doesn't wanna see dolphins get killed so he's gonna stay away from The Cove for now.

- Dave Losso never thought Fisher Stevens would get an Oscar. Wait, wait. Correction. I never thought Fisher Stevens would win an Oscar for a documentary about dolphin poaching.

- Somewhere Steve Guttenberg's on the phone with his agent trying to get involved with a dolphin poaching documentary.

- A dolphin is trying to text me back right now but he can't because he has flippers.

- So none of the things Kathy Bates' big ass just listed about Avatar have anything to do with warranting a Best Picture nomination.

- Somewhere Beau Bridges is pissed he didn't win an Oscar for Sidekicks.

- Hey Stanley Tucci, people don't forget you were in Jury Duty.

- "Did I really earn this?" My answer: The Net.

- Is Jesse James crying because his wife forgot to thank him? Or because he realized that his current wife has the same acting skills as his ex-wife (a porn star)?

- "This is Kathryn Bigelow's first award since Point Break....oh, wait, nevermind." I kid though. She deserved it. That's way better than any alimony check, right Cameron?

- Maybe instead of James Cameron spending ten years making 3D jungle cats he should have spent it locking down a hot ass wife like Bigelow.

- Kathryn Bigelow's really hot but I think she has a ballsac cause she just teabagged James Cameron.

- Is Steve Martin trying to steal her Oscar?

- So the Oscars have finally ended. I wish I could come up with something as witty as Steve Martin's ten millionth joke about Avatar, but that's the reason why I'm writing on Facebook and he's reading shit writing off cue cards. Oh well, sorry for 400 updates tonight folks!

- Final Score: 14-6