Twenty Things I Have Learned From Internet Porn

So it's been been forever since I've written anything for this but ever since my one article stint over at Geekscape ended, I've been wanting to write more on here. So here goes.

TWENTY THINGS I HAVE LEARNED FROM INTERNET PORN

1. There really are shemales that look like real women. I learned that the hard way.
2. Just when I thought I'd never see a video called "Sweet Nigerian Bitch", the internet proves me wrong again.
3. Any video that starts with a guy touching a girl's butthole will never end with anything classy or tasteful.
4. You can appear on the same porn site as a barely legal teen and a MILF. It usually involves putting glasses on you.
5. They've resorted to using fake dicks on some websites. Yes. They've outsourced the dicks.
6. There are guys willing to have sex with 80 year old women and show video proof of it.
7. You may think the scene you're watching is awesome. Just wait til that second dude shows up.
8. Guys will wear a condom throughout an entire scene and then take it off to ejaculate directly on a girl's vagina.
9. If you're having body image issues, just look up 'Russian amateur porn'.
10. Yeah, that bat's going in there and yeah, it's gonna fit.
11. It's possible to use your penis to make a girl cry.
12. See #2 but replace "Sweet Nigerian Bitch" with "Hungarian Pornstar Boat Anal".
13. Pregnant women have no shame.
14. Apparently you need embarassingly large tribal tattoos to please a woman correctly. That goes double for fauxhawks.
15. Creampies are not cool. Ever.
16. You can never unsee gaping assholes.
17. Just remember: That girl dressed as a Catholic schoolgirl was probably once a real Catholic schoolgirl. Which is probably why she's now dressed as a Catholic schoolgirl and having sex on the internet.
18. I've seen porn that's started at a Kia dealership. Yeah.
19. If stills from a scene include one of a girl looking at a penis like she's worried, nothing good can come from it.
20. Internet porn has been around for a long time now and I will still always find humor in it. And watch it.